The Mother of All Walks: A Walk With My Mother
My mom and I were separable since birth. But that does not mean we spend all our time without each other - the time we don’t spend together makes us love each other even more (barf).
“Mom! Wait for me! Come back!!!”
Yes, it’s shocking. My mom (or mum for you English folk) and I have a great bond. But this was no walk, pun intended, in the park; we worked hard for our bond to be what it is today.
Should I say we worked hard for it? Or would I then be lying? In a way, yes! Working hard is not something I’d like to associate with my relationships. I already work hard on my business, and at my day job, it is a definition I keep away from all of my relationships.
“I am sorry, Juliet. I was being mesmerized by these beautiful flowers!”
Relationships between humans are something sacred that, in my opinion, hard work should never be a part of. Many people have said to me that:
"Relationships are built on trust, communication, and a lot of hard work."
"Love is not just a feeling; it’s a commitment that requires effort."
"Love is not a fairy tale; it requires hard work and dedication."
"Love is a verb, not just a noun."
Right… So what is it that you want? Love? Or hard work?
“Do I have to choose?”
Well, to me, making this distinction is VERY IMPORTANT. It is the same distinction that should be made between Love and Worrying. Wait… what do they have to do with each other?
“These flowers look better than your outfit, Juliet.”
Absolutely nothing!
It is a common misconception for people that worrying springs from loving someone. Worrying and love exist on two very different frequencies. Worrying comes from the fear that someone has over an outcome. It comes from the fear of losing something/someone, not from the love that person has.
“But I love them! That’s why I worry!”
When that fear arises, it has nothing to do with love. The emotion of love is, within that moment, taken over by fear.
“Something beautiful always sprouts from something unbeautiful.”
So, how did my mom and I improve our relationship without hard work?
We stopped defining it as such.
As Leo Tolstoy once famously wrote:
“Respect was invented to cover the empty place where love should be.”
“And what does that have to do with anything?”
It means we never expect to do ANYTHING for each other, but we do out of love.
Love should be perceived as this never-ending feeling that keeps on giving. Don’t worry: I haven’t been smoking weed before this; it is really how my family (so my mom and I) treats one another.
And no, we don’t hug trees or never fight. But we never keep score, demand respect, or work hard. We talk, we forgive, and we move on.
I went on another walk that night and started thinking about that feeling again. How I am truly blessed to have the family I have, but now I am also done feeling guilty about that.
That blessed family didn’t come from working hard; it came from treating each other with love.
So, relationships don’t take hard work. Relationships take a mutual understanding of how love works. Stripping away ancient definitions of “what relationships are” frees those within that relationship from having certain expectations.
Love does not have expectations, yet love does expect, thus giving always without expectation.
And that quote is mine, so don’t steal it.
“If it looks like love, feels like love, then it probably is: love.”
Thank you so much for reading!
— Juliet
